Silly Saturday

My kids are funny and they say or do amazing or silly things. Sometimes I write them down on facebook or here...

As you may know we are homeschoolers. Spring is the hardest time for school for any child and that does not exclude mine. Math seems to get harder this time of year as well and they loose their focus more than usual. I decided to declare a contest on Thursday and to let the kids race through the rest of their math books and see who could win a promised "large bag" of candy. Well the boys were ok with that but were convinced that their little 9-yr-old sister would be the clear winner. She was already 10 lessons ahead of the 11-yr-old and 16 lessons ahead of the 12-yr-old. Well little miss 9-yr-old decided that she was going to win and the first day did 3 lessons total and on Friday morning got up and did 3 more lessons before I even got out of bed! I asked her if she was even going to give her brothers a chance. She giggled, "No!" The boys gave up so I decided to offer a boy reward of the video game that they have been wanting. Yep, I'm desperate.

little miss stinker doing her math

Yesterday was garbage pick up day. I asked the kids if the trash man had come yet. My 4-year-old daughter responded. "Yes, he came and we talked and talked. Oh, mama, I have to whisper you something." "Ok."  I said and bent over. "I think the trash man and I are in love with each other." Hopefully my daughter will grow out of the extra tall, much older, really creepy men stage.

the girl who loves the trash man

My 11-year-old son has now read all of the Brothers Grimm stories he also had his own chicken job this week and his brothers as well. On Tuesday he wrote this story:

The Two Chickens

Once there were two chickens. One of the chickens ate eggs and the other was simple and stupid. One day the evil chicken overheard the farmer talking with his wife, "One of the chickens is eating our eggs! When I find out which one eats the eggs I will kill it!" When the hen heard that, she became frightened and then she remembered the simple one and thought of something evil. The next day the farmer came out with a hatchet and put an egg in front of both the hens. Then the evil hen said to the simple hen, "Hey guess what? There is a treasure inside the eggs, just peck them out." When the simple hen heard that she looked at the evil one and answered, "But I don't know how to do it. I have never done it before." When the evil hen heard that she became angry and yelled, "Why are you so stupid" Do I have to show you how to do everything? Look, you do it like this." Then the evil chicken pecked the yolk out of her egg. But no sooner had she done this her head was cut off. And the stupid hen lived happily ever after. Then end.

My writer man on his birthday. I had to go with the Instagram 1977 look because of his vintage
Star Warst-shirt and his Star Wars cake his sister made for him.

Christmas break and the dreaded week after

I can not express how much I love Christmas break. This year was better than ever because I decided to take a full two weeks off and to not even THINK about school 'till it was over. A couple times when the kids seemed stir crazy I considered giving them school to keep busy, but quickly forced those demonic thoughts out of my head and told them to play more video games or watch another movie. We enjoyed our break, IMMENSELY. 

Starting school again after Christmas break is always rough.

This week...has been hellish.

This is the week all those homeschooling moms say, "why do I do this again?" and by the weekend are ready to lay in bed for two days straight after drinking themselves into a stopper because on Friday they started drinking at noon to just make the pain go away.

I have come up with some neat tips and tricks that you can tuck into your ammo vest, this list was compiled mostly with what not to do methods I discovered by doing them. That's how I roll.

Firstly (for the kids) DON'T constantly loose your temper at them right away in the week (like I did: do as I say, not as I do) . If you've come down with a nasty fever/cold like I got, perhaps TAKE A SICK DAY as much as humanly possible or you will be an even more wicked witch than you normally are and nobody benefits from it. In fact, I have a feeling that anything you wanted them to learn that day will be eternally blocked from their memory because it was taught on such a traumatic day, so it won't matter anyway.

TRY even harder this week to be EXTRA CALM. This will benefit you, I promise. A calm mother helps to calm her children. Even if that means calmly duct taping your 4-year-old mouth shut and sticking her in a closet, that's fine. After all, she has soooo many new songs she wants to sing after watching an exorbitant amount of NetFlix cartoons during your 2 week vacation.

Use bribery. Again, something I totally forgot about 'till today, Friday (the booze helped me to remember). Bribe with all that 50% off candy you bought the day after Christmas, that's right, chuck your no sugar rules OUT THE WINDOW this week! Bribe with their new video games that you just screamed at told them they couldn't play for a year because they weren't getting their school done. Coax them by cutting out problems in their math, after all, they are all just. so. repetitive. 

Stay in your pajamas. One less thing to do. It's a good thing. (this is one of the things I DID do this week)

Extra coffee. Well, duh.

Make good food as much as you can. I know, I know, this is hard. But, it reminds your kids that you can actually be kind and they may even thank you for your delicious food when you sit down to eat as a family. Also, feed yourself!!! This is one of my biggest mistakes, but forgetting to eat makes for an extra chafed mama.

Try to get at least one date night in during this week. You need a break from your kids but an even bigger reason is that they need a break from YOU! Go out with your husband, your girlfriends, or yourself. Doesn't matter.

Apologize to your family (individually). If you had the week from hell like I did, take a few minutes to tell them how hard it was for all of you and how very sorry you are for loosing your temper so often. Also praise them for the great job they did in spite of having such a rough week. This goes a long way. Include a hug for good measure. Remember that you're not only their teacher but also their mom, your job is to nurture as well as teach. Something I often forget.

Buy extra pencils just for this week. Sharpen them, leave them in jars on your table. (thank you Amber for this tip) They will inevitably: drop, loose, snort, eat, destroy, disappear and break THOUSANDS of pencils during this week in order to avoid doing their work. Don't let those pencils win.

Air horn. Brilliant. Thanks, Aimee.

Don't shower. Again, less to do for you. (did do, don't tell)

And that just about sums up the practical tips that I have after my week is now over (mostly) and my brain suddenly makes it's grand appearance after being in hiding all week long. I shall try to read my tips BEFORE school begins after next years Christmas break. But I probably won't. I think I'm doomed to repeat this cycle for the next 12 years that I will be homeschooling my children. 10 years down, just 12 to go!!! If you have tips to add PLEASE indulge us! Add them to the comments below.

And don't forget, sweet mothers-at-your-wits-end, homeschooling is a sacrifice and a choice you made to benefit your children. Wear your yoga pants-greasy hair-no makeup badge proudly. And remember my wise husband's motto that helps me be a better, and less worried homeschooling mother:

"It's our job to screw up our kids education, not the government's. Have faith that even if we have some failings, we WILL do a better job than someone else can with our God given children."

He also asks regularly:

"Honey, would you like a beer or some chocolate?"

What a wise man.

This is a fairly good image except for the mom's cute top, clean apron and dressed children...what homeschooed kid 4 and under wears all clothes at all times?? And look at the little girls' hair, it's BRUSHED. Psh. Unrealistic.

Disclaimer: Please realize that this post is VERY tounge-in-cheek. I want to stress how much I adore my children and love them dearly. I'm the best mom they could have and I would never actually do anything to harm them. Please don't take this post too seriously. I personally think it's silly to have to say this, but wise husband has encouraged me to regardless.

"What now mama" game

I started a game a long time ago with my kids when I want them to do a lot of work, happily, in a short time.

Here are the rules:

Mom brings a bag of candy like M n Ms, Skittles, Reese's Pieces, etc. (I have also used pennies.)

She declares a start to the game and calls all the children to her.

She declares that they shall do as you say. If they do as you say, they come back to mom and say, "what now mama? (mom?)" and you thank them with words and hand them a piece of candy. Then you give them another task.

I have 6 kids so this can get chaotic. I added another rule last time.

If they interrupt anyone (you or another sibling) they shall play the game with zero rewards.

I will typically do some fast and furious tiding up this way. Our kitchen island is 6'x6'. VERY large and get's VERY full of junk. Also good for tiding up living rooms and dining rooms, etc. Especially places where you know what goes where but you don't want to do all the running around to put it all away.

It usually only lasts for 45 minutes or so. I start to run out of things to tell them to do and it hurts my brain to think of so many things so fast.

Some of them stash the candy for when they are finished and some eat it right away.

They like this much better than the non-candy version which I do use sometimes. I will pick one or two and nominate them for the "what now mama game with no candy". They are basically my slave 'till I tell them, "thank you, you can go." They really don't seem to mind that too much. They really need to know when the end will be, then they can cope with it much better.

The main purpose is to get things cleaned up right away, but also to get the kids in the habit of being polite, saying thank you and making them ask if you need help.

It's easier than beating them with a broom...

Amazement

I know I'm not the only person out there who is constantly amazed by their children. I don't know why every time I'm amazed I'm also surprised. But I suppose that's part of the meaning of the word amazed.

My 12-year-old son is a boy through and through. But he has a tender spirit, he always has. He's not witty like his brother, he's quiet and contemplative. It takes a lot of explaining for him to get jokes but when he does he has the best laugh. He is a rule follower and does what he's asked. He has a talent for teaching himself how to do things and especially has a fondness for the arts: music, poetry, drawing, science fiction stories, computer programming, video making and more.

Last week I asked the kids to do a "free write" day where they can write what they want. I found this in my inbox all typed up:

Sun

Skies are blue sometimes,
Other times they're grey.
But when the sun shines through,
We all run outside and play.

We pretend that we are soldiers,
Conquering the world.
We sail on ships and fly in planes
And we're always tossed and hurled.

We pretend that we are spies,
On super-secret missions.
And when we come across a villain,
We'll put him right in prison.

We pretend that we traveled,
In to the future.
And when we come back home,
We will have had an adventure.

I love their poetry. I love it for the imperfections and the thoughtful descriptions they include. I have never taught them how to properly write a poem or the different kinds of poems that are out there, they have simply read poems and run with it. I have always loved poetry if I ever take the time to read it. I also like to write it, again, if I take the time. I don't know if it's because he's my child or because I know he won't play this way forever or because he seems to appreciate the fun he has being a child and exploring the skills he has as a writer. Perhaps it's all of it. I feel a sense of peace and perfection at this moment. I want to savor this feeling. I don't want to hold onto it forever, just take the time to be thankful for my life, my children and the amazement they continually give me.

Kids and dogs

My oldest daughter turned 13 this May. This is my child that has begged me for animals her whole life and this year is no different. She wants a puppy so she can breed it and sell the puppies.

I am not an animal lover. Not at all. I used to like cats, but not anymore. When I started having children I lost any interest I had for animals. HOWEVER as you know, we have many animals. This is mostly the fault of Martha Stewart and my daughter. Martha Stewart because when I watched her show years back she had the most beautiful eggs and I coveted them. I wanted THOSE chickens so I could get THOSE eggs. My neighbor knew about chickens so we jumped in. Turns out having chickens is fun and my husband took to them much more than I did. I love the eggs, he likes the hens.

When my daughter was eight she begged me for a horse (again) we have 2 acers but no fence or barn. Horses are very impractical in Alaska, however, as a homeschooling family we want to encourage our kids passions not discourage them. We got her into horse lessons. Unfortunately she was a natural...which sucks 'cause that means we can't easily quit. So we go during the summer. Last year she won the first competition she was in...beginners luck? At this point in time we are not equipped for horses and perhaps never will be, but we like the idea of her being distracted with animals through her teenage years. I don't think that will be a problem...our younger girls on the other hand, well that's a different story.

Another animal she begged for were goats. I didn't want to milk a goat, who was I kidding. I'm a lazy NOT farm girl. But goats make a whole lot more sense than horses do. I began collecting chain link dog kennel panels after our friend gave us theirs and another friend gave us theirs. I realized they would be great for goats (who are terrible at getting through fences). When I discovered last year that goats don't need the kind of heavy duty shelter that chickens do up here in the winter, I realized it was time to jump on board. No time like the present...if I don't do this now I may never. So we took the plunge, 2 Nubian does in milk producing 2 gallons a day. A whirlwind of a learning curve, what to do with THAT much milk?! Learn to make everything out of it and find what you like best.

This June one doe is maybe pregnant, harder to get her knocked up than the other. The other had 3 bucklings. The nice thing is that bucklings need more milk than doelings, so the doe will produce more that year, but the bad part is they suck it all and you don't have it to drink. We get about 1/2 gallon a day from the other doe now for ourselves, which is barely enough...we have to ration it. I'd wanted a LaMancha doe last year but the breeder I chose didn't have any. This year she had more LaMancha kids available. I don't have enough milk at the moment with the doe feeding kids and I also don't want my children getting attached to the bucklings we're raising to sell as bucks or to butcher this fall for meat...I decided that after my daughter did an amazing job this year doing 95% of the milking that I'd buy her a goat instead of a puppy.

It was a good call (so far) she was not disappointed, she's totally in love, she picked out the one that was born the day we were at the breeder's visiting, she and I will split any profits from sales of kids and the doeling will provide our family milk for years to come. Daughter named her Elka and though LaMancha's aren't nearly as cute as Nubians (no ears!) with her docile personality, she will definitely grow on us.

I'm finding the goats are growing on me in general. I dare say I could end up being a goat lover. Don't tell anyone.

The Natives are Restless

The natives are restless this evening...

I made a good meal, they ate and some enjoyed...and what is my thanks?  They are insane!  Jumping around, screaming, laughing uproariously at their jokes and play.  You really would think that I just fed them each five candy bars each.  Have you ever noticed this with your own kids?  When you FEED your children they get incredibly spastic?  I really don't think it's just sugar that gets your kids hyper.  When they actually start fighting I'll probably step in, but for now I just had to escape into my office and post about them.

I made my Greek chicken pot pie for dinner and I disappointed myself.  It's ok, but not great like last week.  I used feta, oregano and filo to make it Greek, also my newly made chicken stock, fresh veggies, chickens and our goat's milk...  Oh well, I went wrong somewhere.  It's not bad, just not fantastic.  I think you have to be Greek to cook fantastic Greek food.

Yes, my Greek chicken pot pie.