Vomit and Wal-Mart

Last Thursday I got sick, vomit sick. I know you wanted to know that. Who doesn't like vomit talk? I know that's why you read my blog. You are looking for the grotesque poop and puke. You're quite sick in the head, aren't you?

I was able to manage my large Wal-Mart trip before I got "the sick" as my kids call it. When I got home, I moped around a while, felt all tired and spacy, then I went into the bathroom and lost my lunch (Big Macs don't taste nearly as good coming up as they do going down).

I had a lovely time with my 7-year-old daughter at the store until I hit that wall. Normally I hit a wall when shopping, but that day I knew something was different. Fortunately we got into the check out lane that had a quick checker and I got right through... Ha, do you really believe that? You clearly don't know my history with Wal-Mart. Nope, this nice, laid back guy was nice and s...l...o...w.... After all, it was his second day working there. And boy, when I went to pay half cash and then had to pay the last $105 with the credit card (because can you ever stay on your cash budget at that store? Maybe you have that ability, but I have not "had" to use our credit card in 3 years because of impulse buying, I have been on a strict cash budget for 3. freaking. years. and Wal-Mart breaks me...) that really threw him for a loop. It's ok, we only had to wait about 8 minutes for a manager to come to override the mistake. Fortunately, there was a bench across the isle where I gave my daughter strict instructions to sit during the 1/2 hour check out ordeal. She very obediently "sat" with her cute new summer shorts and tank top outfit we had picked out for her that day while she swung her feet vigorously back and forth while singing to herself and enjoying her people watching adventure, meanwhile a cute little Korean gal came to sit next to her while she ate her apple next to my frigidity daughter. It was really cute to watch.

Have you ever heard about charcoal pills? I hadn't had any experience with them. I was told by good authority that I HAD to get charcoal before I got sick and for my sick family and that it would surely help with "the sick". Wal-Mart didn't have any but encouraged me to check GNC across the street. I headed over there, got 2 bottles and popped 4 pills (as "prescribed" by my girlfriend) and drove home. I'm pausing for a moment to debate with myself how graphic I would like to be about this... Brace yourself.

It was about an hour before I vomited up the charcoal pills and that Big Mac. Charcoal is black (obviously) and is supposed to absorb the bad stuff in your stomach. After a large lunch that charcoal didn't stand a chance, but it tried it's little heart out. There were fairly large chunks of black all throughout. I had used a throw-up bowl of choice and when I poured out the chunks the charcoal left a nice line of black in the bowl that had to be rinsed multiple times because it is heavy and wants to stay on the bottom.

I lost my lunch a second time that night and thought about a third. I was happy that the following day none of my kids decided to get "the sick" and so my husband (still recovering from his sick from Monday night) could manage to take care of me.

It's now Tuesday and I am still in a semi-dazed state. My memory has been wracked by what ever this is, but my mind is going 100 miles an hour. Certain synapses are firing at full speed ahead while others won't connect, so it's a very frustrating state of mind to say the least. It has led to a weekend of a false sense of feeling better yet a huge irritation to the world around me and at people that normally don't irritate me in the least. I have forgotten the most basic things like the fact that today my husband was going to take our oldest (finally) on her "birthday date" a tradition he started last year. Fortunately, with this memory lapse, my to-do list seems much shorter than it probably is.

I really hope that for the sake of the next person who used that shopping cart after I did uses one of those sanitary wipes.

Wal-Mart

For a few years now I have had a strange aversion to Wal-Mart.

Perhaps it was when they moved into their now “SUPER WALMART” gigantor store, I really dis-like having to re-find all of my favorite things.

Perhaps it is the realization that every shirt I bought there would shrink from top to bottom but widen from side to side.

Perhaps it was the fact I finally learned that when I go there to save $5 on diapers I still come out spending at least $100 on “great deals” AKA a bunch of crap to unload from the car and then find a place for at my house.

Perhaps I simply don’t like walking 5 miles to overfill my cart and then when my little ones start screaming I get in line for check out, THEN wait in line for another 30 minutes before I get to actually leave the store.

Perhaps it was the time my husband went to buy cigars for a hunting trip and the checker (behind the cigarette counter) almost wouldn't sell him any, claiming they were bad for him and he really shouldn't smoke them. Good thing she was there to educate him, I don't think he'd ever heard that before. 

Suffice to say, It’s not the, “Let’s-boycott-the-big-box-stores-to-make-ourselves-feel-better.” reason that regular people like to toss around. I have my own special list of reasons.

My husband likes Wal-Mart. Well, let’s say, my husband has a pretty good grip on our spending and doesn’t mind walking 5 miles for chicken feed when he will save $5 per bag, that is $20 when you buy 4 at a time. He's also smart enough to not take the little kids with him. My husband is a man, after all, and has a practical mind. A gift I would love to have.

For our “date night” on Sunday we left our younger kids in our older kids most capable hands and ventured out for a night on the town. We stopped by Silly Sister’s house to drop off some whey left over from Husband’s cheese making that day. Our pigs (that dear Sister is caring for) love that stuff and it’s nice to see it put to good use. We then ventured over to Town where we decided to grab a bite at Red Robin. They have delicious onion rings and “mama” drinks there.

We then did what we had gone to town to do, and that was a Wal-Mart run. I only go there with Husband as he is strong enough to push the cart loaded with 200 (sometimes more) pounds of grain from the WAY back of the VERY big store up to the registers. While he got the chicken feed I got our typical bananas, apples and Cheerios, then stopped off at the kids clothes section to get my son 2 new t-shirts and my DD a tank top that she had specifically requested for these few hot days we have had.

Up at the check out line, we only waited about 7 minutes that evening as it was about 10pm and was greeted by a young man checker, maybe 19 or so. When he rang up the first bag of chicken feed he exclaimed, “Wow, that’s so expensive!” It was funny in my mind because when I was trained at Safeway we were taught not to tell customers that we thought our store prices on things were expensive as we don’t want to discourage them from spending their money with us. While the young man was ringing up our groceries he noticed my husband’s work jacket and asked him if he worked for "that company", to witch he replied, “yes.” The young man says, “I hate "that company" they ripped me off!” and proceed to tell us the story of how my husband’s employer he has worked for for 20 years, has provided very good health benefits, has paid him faithfully so that we can pay our mortgage and buy expensive chicken food; completely ripped him off. I feel bad for the fellow that he felt this way, I also know that if you talk to someone there about these sorts of problems they typically can reconcile it with you. And, wait, aren’t we his customer tonight??

I paid for the groceries with cash and he gave me back the one dollar bill and then proceeded to count out the change into my hand. I’m very un-familiar with this method of giving change, and then he dropped a bunch of it on the ground and hopefully found it all.

After Husband went to the car to load the chicken food; I bought the kids clothes. The fellow was placing the clothes into the grocery bag and asks, “So are these for your grandkids…………….(long silence where I had no idea what to say)………..or your kids?” Wow, this is a totally shocker for me. I am only 35. My oldest is 14. I felt so sorry for the guy and so indigent all at the same time… I said, “Soon enough, soon enough. It goes by so fast you don’t even know.”

What a dumbass.

As we drove home that night we enjoyed the chuckle we got out that memorable experience. An even better horror story to add to the other Wal-Mart stories under our belt.

Thanks, Wal-Mart, you make memories that last a lifetime.