Let's get this show on the road

Update: Today is 8/16/18 and I discovered this post written up but left in draft format and not published. I had published it for a very short time but then removed it. I think it's kind of raw and maybe I was feeling vulnerable so I took it down. But I'm re-publishing it today. I think it's nice to see how difficult life can be sometimes. The move to WA was brutal but life is getting back to normal and I'm trying to get back to my blog again. If you see something that's simply not appropriate just let me know. I'm not the best editor especially of my own stuff and I love people who can tell me when I made a typo, bad grammar or generally said something really stupid.........

In 3 days time, it will have been 8 months since our family of nine boarded a plane, having only one-way tickets, for Portland, Oregon. We would not be returning to Alaska any time soon. We were moving away. I videoed the take off and wept as the plane sped up, the trees whizzed by and the wheels pulled up into the belly of that plane. Nobody noticed the tears streaming down my cheeks. Nobody else on that flight knew that we were moving. It was a normal Thursday, June 4th for everyone else. But not for us. Not for me.

I have spent 8 months being tired, being frustrated, being overwhelmed, feeling lost, feeling raw, and eating too much crap. I didn't not like it here. I wasn't regretting moving. But it was like my brain had to be turned inside out, and that is generally uncomfortable.

I mentioned two posts ago that I was ready to find me again. Well, me is back. She is overweight, tired of feeling tired, and ready to rock and roll. She is overwhelmed because God has given the family an amazing house. The reality is, is that this house was chosen because it seemed to be being offered up on a silver platter to us. I essentially gave in to my husband on this one. I "sacrificed" my own will for his will and that of the will of God on this one. That's a huge deal for me. I like being in control. I like to say that my husband wears the pants in the family...but as they say. The man is the head and the woman is the neck. He loves me and wants me to be happy, so he typically gives in to me on most things. He would have let me pass on this house, we actually did once earlier in the summer. He didn't push it, it was ultimately something I decided to choose to be happy with because I knew how much he loved it, but it had to be my decision too. The reality is, if I really have the ability to choose to be happy anywhere God puts us, then why would this house be any different? It was structurally sound, beautiful in my husbands eyes and I knew that I could grow to love it. I have one photo of him in the living room just grinning, the most contented grin, from when they were showing us the house. I kept coming back to that picture. I knew he would be happy here and I knew I could be too.

We were allowed to move in 2 weeks before Christmas and since the bank was not ready for us to close the owners let us rent. The oven didn't work and they did their best to replace it. We closed on the house January 1st. We finally got a working oven 2 weeks ago and we got a lot more unpacking done in February too. January was crazy and we weren't really settled in 'till February.

Today is a landmark day for me. It's March 1st. We are doing our very first canning session since moving here. (I'm teaching E the canning beans my way method, it's been almost exactly one year since we canned beans last.) I made a new chore chart for the kids last week and they were actually excited. Hubby talked to me yesterday about eating more healthy and how he wants to try it and it was perfect timing! I'm sooo tired of being overweight, Lent starts in 2 weeks and I'm excited that he's also ready for a change! Last night we had green salad and roasted asparagus with dinner and tonight we're making chicken and roasted Brussels sprouts and broccoli. Hubby has started cooking more too and though we just got him a fryer I think he's more inspired to get away from the vegetable oils and stick to animal fats. That's good with me too, it seems like a more natural choice for eating.

Anyway, just wanted to report on our silly old lives thus far.

A few updates that have happened in the last 8 months:
-Oldest daughter bought a car (Feb)
-Oldest daughter and oldest son got lifeguard training last summer and will be lifeguards this summer.
-Oldest daughter started working at McDonalds and is officially graduated from high-school. She's still trying to decide what to do with her life but is earning money for now.
-Our car was stolen at our other house on youngest daughter's birthday. It was rallied, totaled and returned to our driveway. I haggled hard with State Farm and they paid out an acceptable sum of money. We had only had that car for a little over a year since I had gotten rear ended in 2014 in Wasilla and that totaled our minivan. It gave us enough money to buy a much older Suburban and get all the seats transferred over from our Yukon so that it would fit all nine of us. Also for a hefty down payment on a new Subaru Forester.
-We started attending the mission here in the funeral home. My Deacon husband hunted for a rental and found one, a stinky old building on Main Street with leaks that had been vacant for 3 years because the land lords didn't take great care of it. He re-wrote the rental contract, got them to fix a ton of stuff before we would move in and negotiated the rent payments down on a one year lease. He got the non-profit organization status for the church finalized. He submitted names for our church to the Metropolitan and my favorite name was chosen, Ss. Joachim and Anna. I could not be more elated. It seemed so fitting for being just down the street from the Orthodox Monastery. Our mission is here for married couples, for people who want a parish life but who like to live close to a monastery. We are here for converts and plan on converting the town! The men stumbled upon a great piece of property that was for sale out by the main highway. It is 8 acres and though the man selling it got a higher offer from someone else, he said that he preferred that it go to our church and is giving us a very good deal on it. We closed on that in January and begin making payments next month. This is a poor town and there is much chatter about how will we receive enough funds to build a church...but as our priest says, "God owns all of the money in the universe. Do not worry about money." I love that.
-K will turn 18 in May, A turned 15 in June, M turned 14 in February, E turned 12 in December, F turned 10 in February, S turned 7 in August, TT turned 1 in August.
-Our last house was infested with box elder bugs. That was terrible.
-Our last house was not heated very well, 2 of the kids bedrooms and the office didn't have any heat source. That was also terrible.

Mostly I have become generally more thankful and a lot more prone to saying the Jesus Prayer (Lord Jesus Christ, Son of God, have mercy on me a sinner!). Thank God for that, right?! I have needed to cling to something that I know, and I know that no matter where we move, no matter if someone dies. Our Christ God will be the constant in this crazy life that we live. We are on an ocean with waves crashing around and He is our rock. Clinging to Him has helped me so much and drawn me closer to Him. If that is all that I got out of this move, that would be the most important. I am amazed at the gifts He has poured out onto us. I am amazed that this house was actually built for our family 50 years ago...for us. Every day that I live here, there is something else I discover that is so perfect for us.

Thank God. I'm back. I'm ready to re-boot this life of mine. Thank God.

Canning beans with E.

There are so many deer around here.

Our beautiful house. A frame houses apparently look good on me.

These two. So funny. Looking at deer.

Chore time, this girl is a good worker.

The convincing photo.

Finding Me

One thing that I had in Alaska was a sense knowledge in everything there was to know about what needed knowing. If I didn't know how to do it, Google was right there to help me figure it out. High speed internet and Youtube videos have been utilized to their fullest extent at our house. You name it, I could do it. Were you looking for someone to do a great repair on your home? I knew the guy. Looking for the you-pick farm and the best deals on produce? I knew where to send you. Looking for that lady who sells hay and straw for half the price of the feed store? I have her number too. Need amazing garlic that grows in Alaska? I have that for you in my gardening lair and I can even teach you how to grow it. There's a lot of pride and joy that come from being a know-it-all and I was that person, full of pride, full of joy and full of know.

That woman is gone.

I mentioned about the woe-is-me-ness in the last post that I wrote. I lost my shoes, I lost my blanket, my home is gone and now me...Me is gone. I miss Me.

I realized something just this week. I need my own home. My own domain where I don't have to be beholden to a property manager to repair the heating ducts or the back door that doesn't close. I need my closet to be just so, so that I actually know where my clothes go because otherwise they get draped on the broken rocking chair in our bedroom. My JOB is being a wife, mother, baker, cook and I have failed miserably in the last 5 months. I have been trying to stay strong in this lovely, cold, bug filled home that God has provided. I know that our 9 person family needed temporary shelter and this home is big enough. But I can't be Me here and Me needs to come back...my family needs Me.

We may be buying a home here in about a month. It's no sure thing, we have been through this once already since we moved here. But I'm hopeful and looking forward to getting back into the swing of things. Having a good oven that doesn't overcook, cooking more meals and possibly doing some canning.

I thank God for this house we are in. I got to mope around here for 5 months, gain a bunch of weight while I sat around eating Doritos and Costco pumpkin muffins feeling sad about missing Me. I want to go home and by that I don't mean Alaska, I mean to a home where my family lives and is content. Where my husband can fix things with out getting permission from the land-lord and he can feel manly and useful and we can be joyful. Where I can re-learn how to garden in a much warmer climate, find a peach farmer, grow a different kind of garlic, buy goat milk from the cool nuns down the road, tell everyone about Gary-the-amazing-plumber and get my head back into the knowledge game.

Me is coming home soon. I can't wait to see her again.

Just lounging on the cool porch.

One Good Friend

Often times lately I feel sorry for myself. "Woe is me," I say.

Today I was feeling especially woeful. My sister and her husband made the yearly late fall trek to Girdwood, Alaska. My husband and I have been going with them for the last three years and we have such a grand time...no kids, just adult time with two of the best people in the world. We were invited to go with them again, but getting tickets back to Alaska at the last minute and juggling what to do with our children proved too much at this time. They left for Girdwood last night and today she sent me a beautiful photo of the two of them at the top of the mountain surrounded by snow and bright blue sky and they looked so lovely. I love and miss them so much. I cried. Woe is me.

We all do that sometimes...right? We take turns feeling sorry for ourselves. A little indulgence into the passion of self pity. We allow it from time to time, some allow it to take a firm hold for a long time, sometimes a lifetime... some can combat it entirely. I fall to this temptation too often. Woe is me.

I was making a list in my head of all of the things that I have lost (misplaced?) during the move...not people that I have lost. Things. My tennis shoes, my shirt that I really like, an old comforter that my son likes, my fall boots, my garden clogs. Wracking my brain, I don't know where they went. Woe is me.

Then a car pulls into my driveway. Up walks my new friend that I met after moving here. She is a good soul, kind, loving, non-judgmental, giving. She has lost so much. Not just things but also many people. She has endured much suffering, she still goes through such suffering. My problems are nothing compared to hers. When I saw her I knew that she would see my pain and ask if I was ok. She would care enough to ask and I would probably cry when she did.

I tried to stay strong, to put on a good face. I failed. She asked. I cried. She hugged me. I felt so silly but she comforted me and told me how hard it must be to be in my shoes. She cared, really cared, and loved me.

Thank you, God, for this friend. How many people have a friend such as this? Someone who has suffered beyond anything I could ever imagine. Thank you for my tiny cross that I bear and for helping me to see how small it is. Thank you for loving me so much that you sent this woman that I did not know three months ago into my life exactly when I needed her and when she needed me. What a loving Father you are, how much you love us is unmeasurable and overwhelming.

Ahhh, what lovely people. Miss you guys.

Life Changer

I am 38 years old and never lived anywhere but Alaska.

We moved to Washington state 3 weeks ago. What the heck?

We sold. A lot. Including our animals. I finally got everything just right in the yard, fencing, apple trees, berry bushes...then poof, we leave.

Everyone asks me how I feel about this, am I sad am I excited? I don't get depressed or excited easily. I am at peace about it and trying to wrap my mind around it. I know myself well enough to know that I will be fine here. I will adjust. God wanted us here for His own reasons, we aren't sure of all of them but think we may have some ideas of why. It has been a hard journey that we started in February, really considering it. Many things have gone wrong but more things have gone right to make it possible to move.

We moved mainly because there is a new parish starting in the small town of Goldendale, WA. My husband is a deacon and our parish in Alaska had grown to a nice size where we weren't needed like we used to be. (Wanted sure, but not needed.) Leaving our parish was extremely difficult and more-so considering the history our parish had with people, especially clergy, moving away, we know the abandoned feeling all too well. This time it was us that was doing the abandoning. That was really terrible.

There isn't clergy here in this town to get a new parish up and running, and when presented with this as an option for us vs staying in Alaska it just felt so right for us both. Once the decision was made, the kids were told, our families were told, tears were shed...the work of moving began.

Moving=horrible.

If you have moved you know. If you have tried selling your house you know. If you haven't, read up on it on the internet and learn what you can, then hang on for a bumpy ride. If you have any money in savings, it will go bye bye. If you have a credit card, it will get maxed. If you're moving because God wants you to, be prepared for a lot to go wrong. Get into the back of God's car and just sit back and watch the drama out the window. He's in control, let it go.

My husband can keep his job and work at home like he has for the last 14 years. My business didn't sell, so I'm attempting to run it from here. My sister was looking for a work-at-home job and as she's the best worker I've ever known, I was happy she was willing to work for me. 

Our house is still not sold. I don't know if it will. It was supposed to close June 2nd and they buyer's house still hasn't closed and we aren't sure ours will go smoothly now either after theirs sells... I'm thankful that we got plane tickets out of Alaska because I'm sure our car would have broken down had we tried driving. Either that or the nine of us would have killed each other on the way down. A 3 1/2 hour plane ride was definitely worth it.

When we got here most of the active parish was very sick, one boy had mono, another two families had whooping cough. Another has a simple surgery then gets sepsis and almost dies. What?

God did provide us with a beautiful rental house here. It's one of the old Victorian houses in the town and rent is very reasonable. Someone put in a very pretty yard and nice fences all the way around. There is even a koi pond with fish. I have always wanted a Victorian house and this way I get to have my cake and eat it too. I get to live in it but not be responsible for the major work that goes into owing one.

I don't have time to mess with a lot of pictures tonight but I've been posting some on Instagram: https://instagram.com/akmamaof7/