Saturday, October 19, 2013

When you give a girl a scarf...

...she'll need a shirt to go with it.

And when she searches for a shirt....
...she'll need to raid her closet.

And when she raids her closet...
....she'll find that it needs to be cleaned.

And when she cleans out her closet....
....she'll need to try on some clothes.

And when she tries on some clothes...
....she'll need to take some selfies.

Outfit #1.

Outfit #2.
And when she takes some selfies...
...she'll need to share with the world how good she looks in her size 16 clothes.

Haha. Do you believe me?

Now, this is what "the bully" in my brain is telling me...

Do I listen to the bully? 

I hear him. Trying to taunt me...but I'm tired...tired of feeling this way. In fact...I'm's over...I'm over it... I'm having a boxing match in my own brain. And I know what it feels like to win, to beat the bully who was part of me, to punch him in the nuts, he deserves it, punch him, kick him where it hurts. I have tasted it, I have felt it...and it feels right and good and peaceful.

This is what I want for myself...this is my new goal:

Not to be fat.

Not to be skinny.

To be contented.

And with that; to be happy, peaceful, loving and kind.

I really think you can only achieve that if you love yourself. If you love yourself you MUST include all-of-you. Your belly rolls or your 6 pack abs, your thigh gap or great calves, your huge jugs or your petite girls, your gorgeous birthing hips or your cute boy hips, your great smile or beautiful eyes, your double chin or cleft chin. People don't stare at your belly rolls or sunken checks when they look at you, they look at your smile, your beautiful eyes and your confidence and inner beauty outshines it all!

This is all a pep talk for myself...if it makes an impact on someone elses life, all the better. But this has been my inner dialogue for a while getting stronger, the bully getting weaker.

We are made in the image and likeness of God. What does God look like? Is he too pale? Too fat? Too ugly? Too thin? Of course not! He is beautiful and kind and He loves you; He loves me. You should love you too. Don't you dare think that He created you poorly, He did no such thing. You insult Him when you speak that way. You are perfect in His eyes, don't second guess God, that's just a bad idea.

Now, look at me. (Posting this picture makes me squirm! But that's ok...I'm over it, right?)

Do you see my flaws?

Do you?

Look closer, look harder, they are there.

You don't see them?

People don't see yours either unless you point them out. Do you show up at work and tell your co-workers how crappy your customer service skills are? Do you tell your clients that you don't really feel like doing their paperwork that day? Do you tell your boss that he should fire you because you don't really know what the hell you are doing? Of course not! We do what we gotta do. We pretend. We emulate people we respect, we strive for something more, we try harder every day. We pretend. So this is me, pretending. I'm pretending to be self confident and I'm getting better at it.

Try it, I bet you'll get better too.

*This post is brought to you by the best. scarf. ever. My beautiful sister knitted it just for me for my birthday and I love it and I love her.