Tuesday, June 4, 2013

Vomit and Wal-Mart

Last Thursday I got sick, vomit sick. I know you wanted to know that. Who doesn't like vomit talk? I know that's why you read my blog. You are looking for the grotesque poop and puke. You're quite sick in the head, aren't you?

I was able to manage my large Wal-Mart trip before I got "the sick" as my kids call it. When I got home, I moped around a while, felt all tired and spacy, then I went into the bathroom and lost my lunch (Big Macs don't taste nearly as good coming up as they do going down).

I had a lovely time with my 7-year-old daughter at the store until I hit that wall. Normally I hit a wall when shopping, but that day I knew something was different. Fortunately we got into the check out lane that had a quick checker and I got right through... Ha, do you really believe that? You clearly don't know my history with Wal-Mart. Nope, this nice, laid back guy was nice and s...l...o...w.... After all, it was his second day working there. And boy, when I went to pay half cash and then had to pay the last $105 with the credit card (because can you ever stay on your cash budget at that store? Maybe you have that ability, but I have not "had" to use our credit card in 3 years because of impulse buying, I have been on a strict cash budget for 3. freaking. years. and Wal-Mart breaks me...) that really threw him for a loop. It's ok, we only had to wait about 8 minutes for a manager to come to override the mistake. Fortunately, there was a bench across the isle where I gave my daughter strict instructions to sit during the 1/2 hour check out ordeal. She very obediently "sat" with her cute new summer shorts and tank top outfit we had picked out for her that day while she swung her feet vigorously back and forth while singing to herself and enjoying her people watching adventure, meanwhile a cute little Korean gal came to sit next to her while she ate her apple next to my frigidity daughter. It was really cute to watch.

Have you ever heard about charcoal pills? I hadn't had any experience with them. I was told by good authority that I HAD to get charcoal before I got sick and for my sick family and that it would surely help with "the sick". Wal-Mart didn't have any but encouraged me to check GNC across the street. I headed over there, got 2 bottles and popped 4 pills (as "prescribed" by my girlfriend) and drove home. I'm pausing for a moment to debate with myself how graphic I would like to be about this... Brace yourself.

It was about an hour before I vomited up the charcoal pills and that Big Mac. Charcoal is black (obviously) and is supposed to absorb the bad stuff in your stomach. After a large lunch that charcoal didn't stand a chance, but it tried it's little heart out. There were fairly large chunks of black all throughout. I had used a throw-up bowl of choice and when I poured out the chunks the charcoal left a nice line of black in the bowl that had to be rinsed multiple times because it is heavy and wants to stay on the bottom.

I lost my lunch a second time that night and thought about a third. I was happy that the following day none of my kids decided to get "the sick" and so my husband (still recovering from his sick from Monday night) could manage to take care of me.

It's now Tuesday and I am still in a semi-dazed state. My memory has been wracked by what ever this is, but my mind is going 100 miles an hour. Certain synapses are firing at full speed ahead while others won't connect, so it's a very frustrating state of mind to say the least. It has led to a weekend of a false sense of feeling better yet a huge irritation to the world around me and at people that normally don't irritate me in the least. I have forgotten the most basic things like the fact that today my husband was going to take our oldest (finally) on her "birthday date" a tradition he started last year. Fortunately, with this memory lapse, my to-do list seems much shorter than it probably is.

I really hope that for the sake of the next person who used that shopping cart after I did uses one of those sanitary wipes.

1 comment:

BaronessBlack said...

Yukkity-yuk! Get Well Soon!
I've never been brave enough to try the charcoal. We had to give it to a sick dog once when I was small, and, well....you know the rest!