Monday, April 1, 2013

Life is great.

Warning: this post contains words like God and priests and soul. If you can not handle such content move along. I did, however, try to keep it brief.

This is not often my outlook on life. I struggle. I hurt. Life sucks.

Yesterday I was able to talk to a close friend (ok, my priest, but he is a friend too) for 4 short hours.

Today I feel like a new person.

The sun is out and it's beautiful, the snow is melting, water is flowing down driveways. Life is good today.

I love days like this, because it's not the sun or the snow or the spring-ness of it all that uplifts my spirits, it's my view on life and it's problems. It's knowing more about myself and knowing that yes, I'm a seriously messed up and sinful human being. But God loves me. And to truly understand that makes so much that is wrong ok. It makes me nicer, it makes me actually happy. Today I can see the job that is set in front of me and I plan to do it. I have tasks that I can complete and being such a project oriented person, I know that I can start working on them. Does this mean that I won't fall again? Does this mean that I won't simply forget those things that I know today that are so clear to me? Does this mean that I will succeed No, but it's somewhere to start.

I always forget how good it is to have a priest to talk to, you can really tell them the most nitty-gritty most terrible details of your life. They just smile or giggle or sigh and might say things you don't want to hear but that you need to hear. It's truly refreshment for the soul. I felt like I was digging up clods of dirt and throwing them out. By saying these things I was admitting them not only to him but to myself. That was powerful. To admit things that I do and think that cause problems in my marriage and life. That is huge. To be able to see one's self is huge. I know that I can't really see myself for who I truly am, who of us can? But yesterday I was able to peel back the next layer of the onion that makes up "me" and I have a new fresh beginning to life again. That is really wonderful.

Sometimes (this is for my different friends sake that I say this)...sometimes, priests say the wrong things, sometimes they give bad advice, and sometimes they hurt you, but that's because they are human and just as prone to temptations and stupid-ness as anybody else. Just as you may have a best friend and you spill your guts to them, they can easily say the wrong things or really hurt you. Most people are very sensitive about personal things they divulge to only priests. You really need to have a good mesh with a priest (or a best friend). I haven't had any negative experience, personally. God gives us what we can handle, and He must know that I needed some good priests to lean on. I haven't had a bff in ages that I could really talk to, but I have always had a priest waiting in the wings if I needed him.

Yesterday I dusted and cleaned the cobwebs off of my soul, today Christ is happier to live there, and that is making me happy.

Spring cleaning for the soul? It's a good thing.

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